The Ugly Building

<p dir="ltr">Facing away from each other in a circle, the ugly people wept. They got high. They did a choral reading of The Duino Elegies. One ugly woman suggested they teach the public who ugly people really were, but an ugly guy rolled his eyes and said, "Haven't you seen the documentary?" Again nobody knew what to do. They sobbed. They got higher. They silently read the works of Tennessee Williams, which only made things worse. But then, another ugly guy rose from his seat and shared an idea. He said they would not wait to be recognized and let in. They had already waited too long - and for what? Instead they would bring the world to Ugly Building. They would build a series of Experience Rooms.</p><p dir="ltr">In the Hills Are Alive Room, one ugly guy pedalled a minty Schwinn over the hills from The Sound of Musk, and Julie Andrews kissed him and the whole room sprouted edelweiss. In the No Nervous Breakdown in Grad School Room, an ugly woman lay on a silky sleigh bed made from the Bodleian library, and her dissertation was an éclair iced with Sylvia Piatii' s laughter. Another ugly guy, who had spent many New Year's Eves in the emergency room to avoid being alone, built a Love in Scrubs Room where as doctor he administered strawberry sprinkles and red wine and tickled his sad, meek patients - ugly people volunteers - until they shone like rainbows. The ugly people loosened with joy. The old people ate strudel with Julie Andrews. Everyone was still ugly, but a glow emanated from beneath their ugliness.</p><p dir="ltr">After two hours, the guests refused to leave. They took off their clothes and occupied the rooms like elephants, wiping themselves with books and giving Julie Andrews so much tongue. They took photos of the ugly people eating, going to the bathroom and sleeping, using increasingly tinier cameras. Days passed. The guests had fits when the ugly people tried to remove them, threw down money, and begged for more time. They called their friends and joyfully screamed, "It is so ugly here, you should see it!" and hung up. After a few weeks they quit their jobs and their blogs went dead. They started sleeping on the lawn and the mail carrier thought they were junkies and threw airmail on their heads. Many forgot how to speak. They just went around saying "doe a dear" and when they stopped recognizing themselves in the mirror, they put flowerpots on their heads, and banged into each other and fell down.</p>